G.I.Joe Classified - STEEL CORPS TROOPER!

G.I.Joe Classified Series #95 -  Steel Corps Trooper (Female) - Hasbro 2023

I have these great childhood memories of my brother "sending away" for exclusive mail-in toys. He would be constantly collecting UPCs, cereal box tops, Bazooka Joe wrappers, and reading the Free Stuff For Kids books. We always suspected he would grow up to be a problem gambler or an extreme couponer (he didn't luckily). But I was always kind of jealous of the toys he would get. I remember Mumm-Ra coming in the mail, and well as the G.I.Joe Major Bludd and Super Trooper. But the most intriguing one was easily the G.I.Joe Steel Brigade soldier. The big gimmick for this mail-away toy was that it was supposed to be You. The toy would come with a personalized filecard and an iron-on patch to wear. It's was a very cool idea. The toy itself was a little generic. It had a new (helmeted) head with repurposed body parts from other characters. When I saw this Steel Corps 2-Pack advertised, the memories of that old forgotten toy resurfaced. And finally there's a female trooper too. Let's check her out below!

G.I.Joe Classified - PYTHON PATROL VYPRA!

G.I. Joe Classified Series #88 - Cobra Vypra (Python Patrol) - Hasbro 2023

I remember very fondly when the Python Patrol faction was released in the Hasbro G.I.Joe toy line. I was just about losing my interest in all things 'Joe (it was 1989 and I, along with the rest of the world, was renewing their obsession with Batman). But those Python Patrol repaints sucked me right back in. It seems silly considering how young I was at the time, but I found the nostalgia for those re-used original sculpts irresistible. The cartoon explanation of the faction was pretty generic (magically-induced camouflage) and the actual deco with yellow (geometric) diamond patterns and splashes of red, wasn't very snake-like at all, but the alliterative name, Python Patrol, and seeing all those old figures again was all my young brain needed to get me fully obsesssed. This Python Patrol Vypra figure is a repaint of the Cobra Blue Ninja. It's amazing to get a female character in the faction, even if we had to wait 34 long years. I hope they repaint one of the Classified Valkyries now too. Let's check out Vypra below!

G.I.Joe Classified - COVER GIRL!

G.I.Joe Classified (Vintage) Series  - Courtney "Cover Girl" Krieger - Hasbro 2025

It's amazing how the G.I.Joe Classified figures just keep getting better and better. This Vintage-Card Cover Girls figure from last year (in her M.A.S.S. Device design) is probably the best looking female figure in the line so far. It's very rare to see a sculpted smiling face that doesn't look creepy, but this figure achieved it in spades. She comes with two heads and two separate hairpieces to give you four unique display options. When she first came out I had several preorders arrive on my doorstep only to find some very unfortunate paint errors marring my figures. I kept buying her desperate to find one without crossed eyes or a crooked mouth. I eventually found a booth at NYCC with about 15 of her and and I finally found my good one. The sculpt was just too good to not go the extra mile hunting a great paintjob. This blonde version of Cover Girl only appeared in the first 5-episode G.I.Joe miniseries in 1983, but her popularity is still strong 40+ years later (3 figures in the last 4 years!) Let's check out Cover girl below!

G.I.Joe Classified - SNAKE-EYES!

G.I.Joe Classified Series #197 - Dawn Moreno (Snake-Eyes III) - Hasbro 2026

In 2016, IDW Comics introduced a new Cobra recruit named Dawn Moreno in the pages of G.I.Joe: A Real American Hero. Dawn caught the attention of all the baddies and was eventually mentored by Cobra Commander, Baroness, and Storm Shadow. But when she goes in for Dr. Mindbender's brainwashing program (to fully indoctrinate her), she is accidentally given Snake-Eye's memories. Already a skilled fighter, she now has all the basic skills and knowledge of an Arashikage ninja. She continued training with Storm Shadow (and his mother!) but the good memories of Snake-Eyes were too potent and she eventually joins the Joes. (This costume didn't appear for a full year - in issue #244). I regularly noticed this new Snake-Eyes gracing the covers of numerous comics over the years (I just counted 18!) and her design always caught my eye. But I admit it was actually this figure that made me truly become obsessed with the character. Her masked head is perfection. Let's check out Dawn below!

G.I.Joe Classified - CRIMSON BARONESS!

G.I.Joe Classified - Crimson Strike Team (SDCC Exc) - Baroness - Hasbro 2023

Right around 2002 was when I started collecting toys as an adult. I had just moved to a new city, had adult income for the first time ever, and was feeling super nostalgic about my youth. I started with a goal to get every female G.I.Joe ever. The only vintage one I still owned at the time was Baroness, and she was always my favorite character. The modern Valor vs Venom style G.I.Joes at the time were not very appealing to me, but it wasn't long until I realized that there was a steady flow of vintage-styled figures as convention exclusives and various collector packs. Later that year was a convention exclusive Crimson Strike Team set featuring red deco'd vintage re-releases of Baroness, Xamot, Tomax, and a dozen Vipers. I had never considered a Crimson Baroness before but I instantly loved it. Apparently everyone else did too, because every 3-4 years thereafter, we got another red Baroness. This Classified 6-7" scale version was part of the SDCC 2023 set with the Crimson Twins. Let's check her out below!

G.I.Joe Classified - COBRA C.L.A.W. PILOT!

G.I.Joe Classified #152 - Cobra C.L.A.W. Pilot (Pulse Exc) - Hasbro 2025

A really fun thing about G.I.Joe in the 80's was the vehicles names, especially the Cobra vehicles with their reptile-themed acronyms. The bad guys embraced this trope early (the Joes didn't start for a few years, and they never really had a cohesive theme). But Cobra gave us gems like: F.A.N.G. (Fully Armed Negator Gyrocopter, H.I.S.S. (High Speed Sentry), S.N.A.K.E (System Neutralizer Armed Kloaking Equipment), A.S.P. (Assault System Pod, and C.L.A.W. (Covert Light Aerial Weapon). Once again, Hasbro's G.I.Joe Classified team has found a way to get us another female soldier. There was never an original C.L.A.W. pilot, so I don't believe the design of this figure has any vintage references. I really like the red Officer's Helmet. It's visually very bold but fits in the with the Cobra soldier aesthetic nicely. I find myself pondering what troop builder should be next. The obvious answer is a generic green shirt female, but an Iron Grenadier or Python Patrol would be fun too. I can't wait to see what's next.

G.I.Joe Classified - COBRA VALKYRIES!

G.I.Joe Classified Series #68 - Cobra Valkyrie Officer & Trooper - Hasbro 2023

I normally pay no attention to troop builders or generic trooper characters in my favorite media properties. There are two strong exceptions though: Hellfire Club soldiers in the X-Men comics and Cobra Troopers from the G.I.Joe cartoon. Those blue-clad, laser-firing idiots were in every episode and I loved them. Something about their black face masks and flared helmets made them the perfect bad guy fodder. Plus I have always been obsessed with the Cobra insignia which is emblazoned so boldly on their chests. There were occasionally female troopers in the cartoon, but they didn't get the action figures treatment until 2007. I was so excited to get these, but I was a little bummer that they were in stylized black costumes (we eventually got blue ones in 2017, but I was never able to get them). When I realized the Classified line was here to stay, I couldn't wait for a female Cobra Trooper. I purchased them right away but didn't open them for three years. Let's check them out below!

G.I.Joe Classified - CRIMSON GUARD!

G.I.Joe Classified Retro Card Series - Female Crimson Guard - Hasbro 2026

I love how the G.I.Joe Classified figures are getting more and more "classic" looking as the line continues. When the Classified series started six years ago, I felt they were pretty stylized. The characters always had all the defining characteristics; Scarlett had her red ponytail and Destro had his silver mask, but there were often so many added details that the character identity got muddy. I often viewed it like gritty modern video game versions of the classic characters. Even the earlier Cobra Trooper figures had excessive straps, holsters, and body armor which, while actually realistic, dampened the nostalgic factor significantly. But more recent figures like this Crimson Guard soldier are perfect. She is instantly recognizable as one of the elite guard of the Crimson Twins. There are tons of added details, but nothing distracting. I realize this classic aesthetic may be limited to the Vintage Carded line, but either way I am here for it. I can't wait to see who the next lady might be. Let's check out the Crimson Guard below!

G.I.Joe Classified - COBRA H.I.S.S. GUNNER!

G.I.Joe Classified Series #101 - Cobra H.I.S.S. Gunner (Haslab) - Hasbro 2023

A funny thing about my memories of my G.I.Joe collecting hobby in the 80s was the importance of the folded product catalogs that came in the vehicle boxes. In the years before the internet and an overabundance of retail stores, this was pretty much the only way to see the vast array products available. It was in these catalogs that one of the biggest sibling debates of my childhood began.. "who exactly was that blurry red guy driving the H.I.S.S. Tank???" My errant guess was Scrap Iron. My brother swore it was Wild Weasel. The magnifying glass didn't clear anything up. It was ages before we saw one in real life and refused to admit we were wrong. But ever since that mystery I've been obsessed the toy. Although, I sadly never owned one. When the 2022 G.I.Joe Haslab H.I.S.S. campaign started, I was ready to back it just for the main (male) Driver. But when the female Gunner character (in the same deco) was added as a stretch goal, I was hooked. Let's check out the Cobra H.I.S.S. Gunner below!

G.I.Joe Classified - COBRA FERRET SCOUT!

G.I.Joe Classified Series #119 - Cobra Ferret ATV & Scout - Hasbro 2024

One of my favorite things about the super-popular G.I.Joe Classified toyline has been the inclusion of unnamed female troop builders, pilots, and drivers. As a massive fan of the G.I.Joe cartoon in the 80s, I viewed the Cobra Troopers as massively iconic. They were in nearly every episode... but only sparingly included females. I was also nuts for the toys and always desperately wanted an army of Cobra Troopers and Officers (I never got any). I also would see the Cobra Stinger vehicle in stores that came with a gray Cobra Trooper, and I was obsessed. When the Classified line first showed their Stinger with a gray driver, I was hoping we'd somehow get a female version. Then we saw this new Scout for the Ferret ATV. The vintage Ferret never came with a figure, but I distinctly remember friends of mine always having Baroness be the main Ferret driver during battle play, so something about the female Scout seems correct to me. I think she's awesome. Let's check out the Cobra Ferret Scout below!

G.I.Joe Classified - PYTHONA!

G.I.Joe Classified Series #172 - Cobra-La Pythona (NYCC) - Hasbro 2025

As a kid I was always mimicking the cartoon characters I idolized. It wasn't necessarily blatant or intentional. I wouldn't hold a stick aloft and shout "By the Honor of Grayskull" or anything so obvious. In fact, I think it was largely subconscious. I went through a phase where I couldn't pass a broomstick without performing some type of acrobatic vault. I realize as an adult I was mimicking Diana from Dungeons & Dragons. I once leapt off a dresser fully expecting to glide across the room to my bed a'la Princess Peach in Mario II (I was on crutches for months), and most disturbing to my young classmates, I went though a phase in 1987 where I chased kids around the playground with worms and slugs acting out all my Pythona fantasies. The opening sequence of G.I.Joe the Movie (1987) features the mysterious Pythona stealthily infiltrating the Cobra Terror Drome with a menagerie of gross biological weapons: electric eels, shellfish, tentacled larvae-like things, exploding spores, and her own acid-tipped claws. 

G.I.Joe Classified - AGENT HELIX!

G.I.Joe Classified Series #104 - Covert Operations Agent Helix - Hasbro 2023

Agent Helix is an intriguing but frustrating character for me. I was first exposed to her when I picked up a solo comic introducing her in conjunction with the upcoming G.I.Joe the Rise of Cobra live action movie. Soon she had an action figure released and I was very excited to see this new character on the big screen. But, unfortunately, she was not in the movie, but was rather an original creation for the movie tie-in video game. I was pretty disappointed to say the least. Only because I don't play video games (and the movie was so bland to me that I don't even remember it). I still liked the original 2009 toy, which surprisingly had a completely new sculpt, but I figured the character would fade into obscurity. (Interestingly, her head was reused for new B-list legacy figures; Dialtone and G.I.Jane). Needless to say, I was pretty surprised to see her added to the Classified lineup last year. But she actually fits in with the aesthetic of the line (and her armblades are wild). Let's check out Agent Helix below!

G.I.Joe Classified - COVER GIRL!

G.I.Joe Classified Series #59 - Courtney "Cover Girl" Krieger - Hasbro 2023

Cover Girl is a very interesting character. As the second female G.I.Joe character produced, and after having a prominent role in the first G.I.Joe mini-series (albeit with a very different design), you would think she had the momentum to be a major character in the franchise. But as a kid, and even later as a young adult collector, she is a character that I constantly forgot about. This might be because her vintage figure resembled Scarlett in a bomber jacket (to my young eyes at least). Or maybe because her figure only came with an expensive vehicle, which made her inaccessible for most. But I think the biggest factor was her scarcity in the cartoon. I have almost no memories of her in the show. I remember having taped an episode where she blurred by in an action scene for a split-second cameo. I would rewind and pause it in fascination. I was into the Marvel G.I.Joe comics at the time, and I had thought she was a comics-only character until these rare animated glimpses. But they were few and far between.

G.I.Joe Classified - JINX!

G.I.Joe Classified Series #124 - Kim "Jinx" Arashikage - Hasbro 2024

Jinx was one of the first female action figures I ever owned (I think I got her and Zarana around the same time). I had taped the G.I.Joe the Movie episodes as they aired on afterschool television and was obsessed. Pythona was above and beyond my favorite character. But Jinx was a close second. When she snapped that training staff in half, spun them like dual propellers, and took down Beach Head, my adolescent jaw hit the floor with wonder. I was many years into my martial arts career at the time, and interest was waning hard, but Jinx rejuvenated that spark for a few more years. Interestingly, 25 years later, the hasbrotoyshop exclusive Kim Arashikage (and specifically my inability to acquire her) killed my interest in G.I.Joe for a decade until Classified started. So Jinx marks both highs and lows of my collecting hobby. I actually think this Classified figure is the nicest representation I've seen. I love her unmasked head - it's so reminiscent of the cartoon design (but with a realistic flare). Let's check her out below!

G.I.Joe Classified - GLENDA!

G.I.Joe Classified Haslab (Dragonfly) - Jane "Glenda" Mulligan - Hasbro 2024

I've made a turning point with Haslab campaigns. Almost every release has a single character or two that I want, and up until now I have backed almost every campaign solely for a small figure, leaving me to store and resell a giant vehicle or figure. This past Summer I finally bucked up and sold my Sentinels, Galactus, H.I.S.S. Tank, etc. And honestly the ordeal was a pain. Buyers kept backing out after the sale was made (i get it, it's a big purchase), the packages took up the entire back seat of my car, and I discovered only certain local facilities can even accept packages over 3 feet. Anyway, when this Glenda was announced as a stretch goal for the 2024 Dragonfly Haslab campaign, I knew I needed her, but I would be resorting to eBay to pick her up after the fact. Luckily it went smoothly and I think the upcharge was a good tradeoff for the hassle-free experience. If I only had limitless space and a penchant for vehicles, this hobby would be much easier. Let's check out the Haslab-exc Glenda below!

G.I.Joe Classified - SCARLETT!

G.I.Joe Classified Retro Card Series - G.I.Joe Scarlett - Hasbro 2024

This Scarlett figure is the one I have wanted since the G.I.Joe Classified line launched four years ago. The first Scarlett, and even her repaint, just looked a bit off. The recipe of a red ponytail, crossbow, and some yellow-ish costume elements were all present, but somehow it just didn't look like Scarlett. The movie figure in 2021 looked a lot better, but of course she was in a dark cinematic costume. But then this surprise retro-carded figure was announced and finally gave us the iconic Scarlett design, seemingly with an all-new sculpt. This might be setting a good precedent for apology figures and/or massive retoolings in the retro line. Plus the cardback on this figure is super thick and durable like the Marvel Legends Vintage line (unlike the flimsy packaging of the first few releases). I admit I've been more excited by the Super7 Ultimates figures because I prefer classic animation aesthetics, but this figure has me very excited for the future of the Classified line. Let's check out Scarlett below!

G.I.Joe Classified - LADY JAYE!

G.I.Joe Classified Retro Card Series - G.I.Joe Lady Jaye - Hasbro 2022

Lady Jaye is probably my favorite G.I.Joe character. Even though I love outlandish costumes and gimmicks in my adventure properties, Lady Jaye stands out as being one of the few characters in a military unit that is actually wearing army greens. Typically I would find this boring, but like me and my lack of tattoos, the normalcy makes her a standout among her edgy peers. I also love that she's butch. I feel like they amplified her relationship with Flint and even had a full episode of her running around in a pink frilly nightgown just to soften her, but you couldn't disguise how tough she was. She also managed to convince me that exploding javelins were a standard weapon like the guns, crossbows, and swords the rest of the characters were wielding. She was iconic. This Retro Card repaint of her Classified figure is a nice variation. Her green outfit is a brighter hue like her vintage toy and her face paint is better. Her missing hairpiece is the only real downside. Let's check out Lady Jaye below!

G.I.Joe Classified - BARONESS!

G.I.Joe Classified Retro Card Series - Cobra Enemy Baroness - Hasbro 2022

The G.I.Joe Classified Retro Carded line had issues from the very start. In theory this was a great idea; vintage redeco'd homages on giant retro cards. The nostalgia potential was very high. But in actuality, we got re-released figures with very minimal changes (just fewer red and gold highlights in the case of Baroness), and a fraction of the accessories. So the main appeal would be the cardback display. But the original releases used the flimsiest cardboard. They were about as as sturdy as a cereal box and looked pretty banged-up and raggedy on the pegs. And if you pre-ordered them from Walmart, they likely arrived tattered in a soft mailer pouch (Note: later characters were on very sturdy cards). If my Walmarts are any indication, I think the Baroness and Lady Jaye Retro figures are the greatest shelfwarmers of my adult life. That, said, I actually prefer this Baroness to the elusive first release. Her skin tone and paint apps are better, and the simplified paint details look sharper and truer to the character.

G.I.Joe Classified - BLUE NINJA!

G.I.Joe Classified Series (6" Line) #51 - Blue Ninjas 2-Pack - Hasbro 2023

The G.I.Joe Classified line has taken an interesting turn recently by offering original characters (or at least original versions of characters). With a seemingly endless supply of fodder from the original cartoon and toyline, I'm surprised Hasbro is already going off-script. The first inkling of this new direction was when the female H.I.S.S. Gunner was announced as a stretch goal in the 2022 G.I.Joe Haslab campaign. (Female infantry were historically rare). I was ecstatic but assumed it would be a one-time thing. But since then we've seen a 2-Pack of female Cobra Troopers and this Cobra Blue Ninjas set. What I especially love about this Ninja set is the subtle homage to Vypra, the Jinx repaint that had several releases between 1998 and 2015. This Blue Ninja seems to specifically reference the 2015 Collector's Club figure (that's sadly absent from my collection).  She's the first female Classified figure that isn't an A-Lister, but now I'm excited for the potential of other obscure additions. Let's check her out below!

G.I.Joe Classified - ZARANA!

G.I.Joe Classified Series (6" Line) #48 - Dreadnok Zarana - Hasbro 2023

Zarana is iconic to me because she was the first female G.I.Joe character that all the boys desperately wanted the toy of. The previous ladies all still seemed to have a cootie factor making them uncool for the average boy to play with. But Zarana had a natural badassery, family lineage, and highly sought-after color-changing gimmick that made her a desirable toy regardless of your gender hangups. I would love to say that her ability to disguise herself was a notable trait. But Scarlett, Lady Jaye, and Baroness had been pulling that trick for years and we were all wise to the random female civilian like a Star Trek redshirt by the time Zarana was introduced. Instead, her punk-rock aesthetic and typical Dreadnok temperament made her a standout character foe her first appearance in Arise Serpentor Arise. I've been wanting a Zarana in the Classified line from the beginning but was curious how they would handle her hair. Luckily they gave us two amazing options - cartoon and vintage toy. Let's check out Zarana below!